Thursday, October 18, 2007

More Airport Failures- This Time I'm Radioactive


People more visionary than me have written extensively about how any why airport security is an ineffective sham that is designed only to control and subjugate us, and instill a false sense of security. I certainly don't take issue with that view, but I'm obliged to deal with the TSA people periodically, and not once have I seen evidence of competence.

Last week, on Friday, I was injected with a radioactive material (on purpose). I have a defective heart and it warrants periodic scrutiny, which is aided by a radioactive isotope called Thallium-201, which has a half-life of 73 hours. I was due at the airport about 14 hours later, where ALLEGEDLY there are geigercounters surruptitiously installed. The medical type people told me to expect to be pulled aside and searched, and they thoughtfully gave me a note that explained the process and reason for me to "glow" in this way. Whatever. I dutifully took the note to the airport, and was wondering if the mouth-breathing TSA retread that would ransack my nicely packed bag would know that Thallium is an element ("Tl" #81, if you don't have a Periodic Table handy), and it never happened.

Nope. I was never stopped, and never had to use my "Get Out Of Jail Free" card. Well, hooray, right? No, sorry. I was FOR SURE someone that should have been given a secondary screening. While it is possible that I could have dimished the radiation signature by drinking lots of water and flushing out my kidneys, liver and for that matter, bladder- but I didn't. I wanted to see how effective these numb nuts are, and made an effort not to drink much water. I also was not stopped on the return flight, Sunday PM (still well within the 73 hour half-life span).

So, do you think the geigercounter business is a lie? Has anyone EVER been stopped because of their radioactivity? I bet not.

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8 Comments:

Blogger That Guy said...

The mere fact that you went out of your way to show that we have no more security than everyone fears is comical.
Of course knowing me, you know I too would hold completely biased and unfounded discovery tests on things like, if I wore this or that cologne and sprayed 1 or 3 times how many times would the girls come in my office to "chat".... it passed the time and allowed my to know that 1 light puff of tahoe (walmart brand) makes them "chat" often.
Anyway, I think the gusto to TRY and get busted just to see if it works is funny, but I stay under the radar and don't really WANT to be arrested or "detained" so applause to you mate, it seems that your swollen balls are still huge.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Nancy Dancehall said...

Did you really think they'd stop you?

Really?

*blink*

REALLY?


(You didn't have 4-month-old twins with you, so they didn't have diapers to search,that's why. True story.)

12:31 PM  
Blogger meno said...

Maybe you should have worn your T-shirt with that radioactive symbol on it. Maybe that would have done it.

Nah.

2:44 PM  
Blogger nic said...

HA ha ha ha!

I haven't flown on a plane since before 9/11 and I don't look forward to doing it again. I'm glad you weren't hassled by the man. But what a shame to waste a perfectly good get out of jail free card.

If you showed it to them, I bet they would have thought it was fake anyway and then done a full on cavity search.

yummy.

5:30 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chili said...

I had a conversation with a coworker's ethics class the other night (I came in to observe the class) and we got into a lively discussion about the "security" we have now. One student's contention is that the Patriot Act makes us all safer, MY contention is that it makes us LESS safe.

I totally won, and you're a wonderful example of why...

2:58 PM  
Blogger TTQ said...

Hmm, I've had to reschedule tests because of it, they pumped me full of it and I was scheduled to have back to back tests in the same day until they figured out you can't do both tests with that crap in you. One was barium and the other was a bone density test probably the Tl #81. That pissed me off.

I have a fair amount of metal implants in my body (for which I get to carry a card) and sometimes I set off the beeps and sometimes I don't. Which goes to show you anybody could have anything on them it's the trust in the beeps that fuck us up.

2:59 PM  
Blogger Région Frontière said...

That's odd because ... several years ago i took the California Zephyr from Denver to SF. Part of the journey was thru a 4-mile long tunnel full of coal dust (we couldn't open doors or move the entire time so that we didn't asphyxiate ourselves).

On my return home, at SF airport, they pulled me aside cos my duffel was still covered in coal dust from being in the train's baggage hold. I purposely didn't clean it off cos i wanted to see what would happen. They ran some kind of test on the dust and determined i was ok. It was interesting.

Perhaps the amount of material in your body wasn't enough to trigger anything? Then again, SF airport was vicious at that time. I was pulled out and searched 3 times cos i was on a one-way ticket with no checked baggage. But i saw them haul an old lady out of a wheelchair and search her, too!

9:36 AM  
Blogger My Reflecting Pool said...

Just maybe our system is so good, they spotted that little note? hahahahahahaha. Scary.

4:07 PM  

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