Monday, October 09, 2006

"Sooo, What's It Gonna Take To Get You Into This House Today?"

I'm ready willing and able to become a full on pimp for the ole' homestead. Having come to terms with an employer in Seattle, I'm now desperate to sell this mamma jamma. I'm also desperate for an English word that sounds like "mobuto", but first things first. Faced with the prospect of spending any kind of protracted time away from my family unit, I'm developing an ulcer. I suppose many men are not so ridiculously attached to thier families and do this sort of thing all the time, but I'm feeling as though falling to pieces is a realistic option. I read Slaghammer's post over at Alchemy Anyone which included a Portland relocation and the poignant narrative about missing and being missed by family (and some crazy "pigs gone wild" sexual assault on a minor) and I'm all the worse off as a result.

"They took away my precious..."

So, normally I'd take my mind off of this with really twisted and alarming porn, but I'm at work (although what- they'd fire me? Heh), so I'm left to stew. I've been looking for places to stay (short term for me) and I'm also thinking that this transisiton will be costly (no- not regretting anything, it'll be worth it). Plus, once we're settled, I can begin the full court press to get some Colorado friends to move. I figure Pants and O will be suitable "marks", particularly considering the number of online and real-world friends Pants already has in the NW. Colorado people rarely move though, and I don't know why. They seem to all consider the world to be a smaller and less variable place than it really is. I'm not knocking the quality of life in Colorado per se, but if you don't ski (and I don't- the last time I summited a 14'er, I got blind spots), it's mostly hot dry and brown or cold and white. Plus, the people are provincial and more conservative than I can identify with- remember that this is the state featuring one senator who thinks Mexican aliens are destroying the country and the other who thinks it's the idea of gay marriage that'll be our national undoing. Meanwhile, there's this war-like deal happening... People dying... You may have heard of it.

So emotionally I'm a train wreck right now, and I don't have my filthy degenrate comfort mechanisms in which I'd take comfort. And I think I'm too old to stay in a youth hostel and to young (and not Christian) to stay in a YMCA. Maybe there is a nice bus teminal near my new employer. With broadband Internet :)


Blogger slaghammer said...

I guess my post was bad timing. Just look at it like an adventure. Like a whitewater canoe trip where the canoe sinks and you have to fend for yourself and you do ok until the bears smell your fear and track you down and you have to defend yourself with a sharpened stick and then the helicopter lands and you are running towards it but the bears are catching up and the helicopter takes off and schmoopie reaches her hand out of the chopper door and you grab her hand and she pulls you in. Just think of it like that.

2:58 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

I agree with slaghammer. Esp. the part about poking the bear with a stick!

3:05 PM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

I'm thinking maybe you should just call the whole thing off.

Just laugh maniacally and then utter the phrase "Just kidding, folks," with a light hearted squeal.

We'd all understand,

You weren't really SERIOUS or nothing...

ANother option would be to get on the stick. Make shit happen. Screw the scary bears and throw rocks at the teasing helo...

Ask all your Colo friends for youthful renters that you can trust not to do too much damage to your house and rent it out. Shuffle around your paperwork and buy a home for your family in Seattle. Sell everything at a garage sale and buy everything at a Seattle garage sale.

Hoo alot

4:52 PM  
Blogger drama-addict said...

Is this working? Attempt number 4...

6:24 PM  
Blogger drama-addict said...

Alright, seems to be working now. I just wanted to thank you for your comment. That kinds of honesty is exactly whqt I need right now. Well maybe not right now. If you've read my latest post, you'll know why I've joined you on the emotional train wreck. But keep the honest comments coming!

6:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you can pick all the good points the good people above me mentioned , take it on board and act on it- it will only get better from there on in and in the mean time for distraction I can recommend some fairly alarming and twisted porn sites you may want to peruse (these involve mannequins, street urchins, tupperware and shoe polish) on a more serious note though the good luvin of your family will steel yourself for anything that the future move lays on

6:11 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

A van down by the river?

I got nothin'.

7:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can see Stucco taking that van in the garage up to Seatlle and livin on pike street. Tis nice to have vans :P

on a side note, I will be moving back to Colorado and no amount of cookies nor amish porn will make me move yet another 1200 miles to a place where it don't snow. I live in Houston remember, it rains alot, plenty of heat, oh and it did snow once on Christmas eve 2 years back, I'm not about to move to another city with just as much humidity minus the ungodly heat... unless...

I'll send some karma for the house sale and hopefully a buyer will come before your 2 weeks are up.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Nancy Dancehall said...

My door is always open to Schmoop, A, and Z.

And you'd better believe we'll be up to visit the second you get settled!

Nancy "Pants" Dancehall

8:58 PM  

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