Monday, October 02, 2006

What Does A Punk-Ass Bitch Look Like?


Identifying a Punk-Ass Bitch in the wild: Look for unsportsmanlike conduct, followed by self-righteous indignation and rage. Punk-Ass Bitches commonly have an incredibly spoiled and self-centered world view, wherein they are somehow able to construe themselves as victims in what is best defined as their own personal mythology.

Those of you that know me, know that I live and breathe football (not just Packer football, although the Pack looms large in my legend) and seeing this absolute bastard of a man-child kick a defenseless and helmetless player while he was on the ground (causing gashes on either side of his eye) is nauseating. This savage and brain damaged behemoth then put the "baby poo icing" on the "cake of fucksurdity" by slamming his own helmet down on the field afterwards, so his team could move back ANOTHER 15 yards. His name is Albert "The Steaming Shit-Sack" Haynesworth, and he belongs in prison.

I know that in the days of Dick Butkis and Deacon Jones, this sort of thing happened- albeit more discreetly. Butkis was known/rumored to break fingers at the bottom of a dogpile, and others would bite. The NFL has made serious efforts to remove this element from the sport, and wants this to be a family sport (don't get me started on Janet Jackson's nipple- I actually LIKE looking at naked females). If that is still their intention, they need to take a page from the NHL, which is also interested in cleaning the sport up to make it more marketable, and have this 300lb. leaking anus of a man arrested and barred from playing the sport again in this league.

And don't "misunderestimate" me here- I like the hard hits, and I'm willing to let the "boys be boys" on the field, and I can even tolerate the occasional personal foul (hey- face masks can happen- it's not yoga). I hate like hell to see anyone leave the field on a cart or stretcher, and even if their team sucks ass, I root for the injured on the comeback trail the loudest (Teddy Bruschi, anyone?), but this is WAY beyond anything defensible for my beloved football.

One other aspect of this that isn't sitting well with me is that the team would/will be able to replace Albert "the Polyp Ream" Haynesworth on their roster with another player while he's under suspension. This is not consistent with a "team" sport. In REAL teams, if one guy screws up, all suffer, and in this scenario, the team only suffered on one drive. I submit that if a team member is suspended for a game or a season, the franchise must operate less one player. I don't include injuries in this view, as they are not causing harm to the sport or the league. Penalties should hurt. They are going to fine this walking afterbirth what- $50,000? He's on a 9.6 MILLION dollar contract? Chump change! Hit him for $1 Million and give it to the United Way so we can be spared at least some of their incessant commercials. Bah!

6 Comments:

Blogger Jill said...

I think a little public humiliation might be a good addition to the fine. Maybe make him wear a big pink "I'm a pussy who only kicks others when they're down" on the back of his uniform for the rest of the season. OK, that's a little long. How about just a big "PUSSY"?

4:28 PM  
Blogger Irrelephant said...

Stucco, don't hold back, tell us how you REALLY feel.

6:49 PM  
Blogger Schmoopie said...

Karma Baby! He'll get his eventually.

8:29 PM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

IMO he should have been cuffed and escorted off the field!

9:54 PM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

Yes Stucco.. Do tell...

(You can be so literary when you are angry...)

7:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It ain't ballet on a field. I don't need to glamorize it. I just love football. But as Jill so quaintly puts it, this guy was a pussy. I saw the game. I saw his actions. The fine and suspension are not enough. This guy is not a professional and should not be allowed to play professionally.

6:42 PM  

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