Saturday, September 23, 2006

So Angry I Had To Laugh

So today I was left in charge of A. and Z. and things were going well and were quiet- too quiet. So I went to investigate. Z. was trying to get his whiffle bat out of the gutter (the gutter?) and I got drawn into trying to get it down with this extendo-pinchy toy of Z's. He and his buddy had been standing on a folding nylon chair to help reach, which is what I tripped over, resulting in me scraping my knee and leg against these decorative brick things Schmoopie put beside our walkway. I might've also broken a foot bone, but who can tell... So, I go inside to wash the wounds and dress them, and of course- no bandages. I should explain to those who don't have children, that once you have kids, you'll never again have bandages. They eat them or something. So, without bandages, I'm left to making impromptu bandages out of tape and paper towels. *sigh* This is also not going well and I pen our kitchen's "junk drawer", which has grown to near critical-mass density and scale, only to have lots of shit fall out, much of it landing in the dog's water bowl. Great. So as I'm cleaning this up, I step on a thumbtack (pointy side up- natch) and then cuss like a sailor as Schmoopie is arriving with food. She thinks maybe my blood sugar is crashing. No, I explain and she kinda laughs. Thinking all this was over, I sat down and started to eat a chicken caesar salad Schmoopie had brought me from Panera Bread (Mmmmm) and- wait for it- my nose starts bleeding into my salad. Ewww.

Damn it all. I hope that this is some kind of early "cashing out" of bad fortune before my next interview on Thursday. That, and maybe I should have one of the kids follow me around with a camcorder...


Blogger Cheesy said...

Here's hoping that this day was just getting any and all bad karma out of your system! Gooood luck Thursday!!

And about the bandaids?? Never having any is almost as bad as having to wear a Sponge Bob Square Pants one to a meeting!

7:23 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

I only have one question. Is that mustache real?

9:37 AM  
Blogger Stucco said...

It is indeed.

9:52 AM  
Blogger Schmoopie said...

I just can't leave him alone anymore. I swear I am leaving our 10 year old in charge when I am gone from now on!

10:03 AM  
Blogger Irrelephant said...

Jill, don't let him lie to you like that. That photo is actually one taken of ME, years ago while I was visiting... uhm... wherever it is that Stucco lives, and he stole it and has been using it for years.

Speaking from first-hand experience, the REAL Stucco is about four feet tall, very pale, has very tiny eyes and is inordinately fond of cabbage and cheap beer.


6:55 PM  
Blogger slaghammer said...

stucco, Superglue is the way to go. I've been using it for many years. Scrub it out with alcohol and dry it out(very important), give it go with schmoopie's blow drier if needed, squeeze glue deep into the cut, a small amount is best, and hold loose ends together. Don't glue your fingers to the wound. Burns about like alcohol. Works as well as stitches most of the time. If you can’t get it dry before you glue it, you’re back where you started with the band aids. Not good for nose bleeds. Practice makes perfect.

12:12 AM  
Blogger Stucco said...

Hi all,

Cheesy- these days it's the Incredibles for us, although Sponge Bob is always an option. And what the hell is the deal wth these juvie-bandages that have weird clear plastic stuff that's about as sticky as cling wrap? Bah.

Schmoopie- when will you actually stop leaving me in charge? You know it's dangerous.

Irrelephant- What?!? When a guy pays your extortion demands, you're supposed to keep his secrets! At least you didn't mention the house dress I was wearing. What! Damnit! I didn't say anything- nobody heard anything! Nothing! No dress! Me and my big mouth...

Slaghammer- I have something that I think we got at Target called NuSkin, which I would characterize as medicated crazy glue. Although in the case of my leg and knee, it's more a matter of having ground off a bit of meat, versus a cut (think road rash).

And am I the only person, who when faced with a nosebleed, thinks of the courtroom scene in the movie Strange Brew? After all these years that still makes me laugh to think of it. "Two orders of split plea soup please, eh?" *snort*


8:29 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Whaaaat? Stucco is really a leprechaun in a housedress?? I'm becoming frightened....

9:19 AM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

don't superglue your nose closed. Not a good idea.

Works great for all other wounds. Leave a small opening for oozing.

The body likes to ooze...

days like this are meant to teach you to lay down and shut your eyes.

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats one pissed of looking cat in your post - in his eyes you can see him plotting revenge to whomever did the folicle crime..

1:57 AM  

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