Monday, February 25, 2008

Brain Slop

Things that mess me up:

Chest of Drawers v. Chester Drawers (and what if I only fill it with socks, not my "drawers"?)

Velcro (I always want to say "velcrove")

By and Large v. By enlarge

Freckles v. Moles

Waxing v. Waning

Ebb v. Flow

Flotsam v. Jetsam

The number of people I know online who have felt the need to scrap it all and start over under new identities. (I didn't say "tities"). I can kind of identify, as two folks I used to work with now know of my blog, although I don't suppose either would rat me out if I went on some kind of a tear about my employer. Beyond that I may have some family members who have found their way here, and I look upon that two ways- one, they weren't explicitly invited here. I don't mean that they are unwelcome, but they need to realize that I vent here. And two, I'm not the person that writes the Christmas cards and letters. I cuss like an injured sailor with Tourette's. I'm also a Category 5 pervert. Seriously. No, I'm not teasing. Really, really vile things interrupt my thoughts all the time. There are things in my noodle I don't tell even Schmoopie, just so she'll still come to bed with me, and she seems to appreciate filth- or my shock value anyway.

Incidentally, if you yourself were in to tying up your lover, and then one day you saw your child tying up his or her stuffed animals in his or her room during playtime, would you interpret that to be confirmation of a genetic marker or proclivity towards bondage? Just wondering...

Plus, today I'm wearing a shirt with a little embroidered logo dealy close to my left nipple (and fuck Tommy Hilfiger). I see it regularly out of the corner of my eye and try to brush it off. While at first, it was just a harmless bit of self titillation (heh- I almost said titties again), now it's leading to a rubbed raw moob kind of thing.



Blogger meno said...

i don't often have the need to say "by enlarge."

But now i can think of a few filthy ways to work it into conversation.

I would assume that my kid had found the handcuffs hidden in the sock drawer.

1:17 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chili said...

I can clear up the waxing and waning thing for you if you want....

I can't stand when people say "for all intensive purposes." GAH! "By enlarge" is harder to discern, though, so I think you're safe...

5:33 PM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

it is "buy in large" and comes from an old condom ad.


10:55 PM  
Blogger General Catz said...

Glad to see you have lost none of your humor while i've been away. I have my own confusing things but can't think of one at the moment. Wait, there is one...

"The drapes are drawn." Does that mean they're open or closed?

3:35 AM  
Blogger Judith said...

it depends on what way they tied up the toys and the knotwork they used.

1:27 PM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

I say turn your shirt inside out so your other nipple doesn't get jealous and gets some action too!

"By enlarge" ~~isn't that Costco's motto?

8:57 PM  
Blogger Nancy Dancehall said...

Instead of 'in other words', my bio instructor always wrote 'another words'.

Drove me CRAZY.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

1:07 AM  
Blogger gr said...

ah, so this is what Stucco is like...
hello from potter's blog!

4:24 AM  
Blogger Gordo said...

I never bothered with the online anonymity thing. My family visits my blog periodically (including a niece/nephew or three) and they already know what to expect, really. :-)

6:35 AM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

11:43 PM  
Blogger Vulgar Wizard said...

regardless vs. irregardless

3:42 PM  
Blogger Irrelephant said...

Stucco, VW included that because I was guilty of it for a LONG time.

The only way I know the nautical one is because flotsam floats and jetsam don't. Same way around as stalactites and holds tight, one don't.

How about icing versus frosting? (taking a stab at Nancy Dancepants who called me out on that one once)

8:07 AM  
Blogger Irrelephant said...

Oh, as for the logo thing? My in-laws bought me a nice black Calvin (and Hobbes) Klein polo shirt last xmas. The logo is a very thin-lined white CK, almost grey it's so thin, and after all this time I STILL think it's a piece of cat hair or some lint. DAMN YOU CK!

8:08 AM  
Anonymous Say it said...

Oh, I'd wonder if the kid ever caught me. Being paranoid sometimes sucks.

As a third attempt at anonimity, I'm realizing it doesn't really exist. I'm trying though darn it! I can honestly say that it would be one thing if people I knew read the blog and then never brought it up. But I would get phone calls asking if a post was about them. Politeness always dictated my answer as a no.

6:55 PM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

9:22 PM  
Blogger Gordo said...

Anonymity does exist online, it's just hard to maintain and not for blogging. :-)

11:11 AM  
Blogger amusing said...

Darn kids -- they get going with those genetic markers and you just can't wash them off the walls!

Oh. And apologies for the inconvenience. Paranoia runs deep.

6:37 PM  

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