Sunday, February 25, 2007

Would You Like To Sniff The Cap?


Schmoopie and I go through quite a bit of red wine, judging by our recycling bin. As were in new territory, we're trying new things, and this includes local vineyards and labels that we hadn't seen in Colorado. So far, there have been one or two pleasant surprises, but that's not what this post is about. This post is about a vile swill that would gut kick you in a New York Minute. Schmoopie found it somewhere, or it was planted in her shopping by nefarious shadowy characters while she was otherwise engaged. The angry fluid could not be harnessed by something as organic and wholesome as cork, and so a threaded cap was responsible for containing this toxic elixir and keeping the environment safe from contamination.

Upon breaking the seal, an unwelcome exhale of decay and pain jetted into the room, and poked our sinuses with pointy poo-laiden barbs of humid cruelty. This was not a wine to be trifled with. The "Big Red House" it would seem is a home run over with the blood of the innocents. Not since a World Series bet was begrudgingly paid off to me with a railroad/flood salavage bottle of blush (complete with an E.P.A. label warning the consumer that the bottle was distressed, and that the consumer is advised against ingesting the contents) has this much unamusing nastiness been brought into my home.

No, we didn't drink it. I had concerns about pipe damage in pouring it down the drain.

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13 Comments:

Blogger Cheesy said...

LOL ty for the heads up... what winery is it from? I personally would take it back!

4:54 PM  
Blogger Hammer said...

I've seen wine that bad err smelled that bad.

cool bottle though.

6:27 PM  
Blogger That Guy said...

I recall when my wifes grandfather passed on and I was gifted by her grandmother with a few bottles of his home made wine. granted I was unaware what these were and trusted that they were as good as the other wines I have had from him.

So one day I needed a little red to go with my dinner and decided to break out one of these buggers. buggers were right, the smell reminded me of apple cider but the taste left much to be desired. I was sadly sick for a day after the fact and decided that it was better used as a drain cleaner.

Later, I did ask the grandmother what as in those bottles and she was pretty sure they were red wine and maybe an attempt at apple cider, but those were horrible. hah!

For what its worth, the red wine I did have in the other bottles were excellent, almost like a nice tart merlot

7:36 PM  
Blogger That Guy said...

I also recalled a beer made by our long lost hippie friend Ron, something about a cartoon stucco with hair growing your the tounge and shaving it off... ahh the good old days.

I can tie my shoes, but I don't like to.

7:43 PM  
Blogger slaghammer said...

I bet it would be an effective laxative. I would keep it around for that reason alone.

9:42 PM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

You bought wine whose cork failed. Take it back and get another bottle.

The best wines coming out of California for the price are some of the bulk wine blends. Barefoot's Merlot was good the last time I tried it, (but their blends change about every three months, so you have understand the labeling.)

After that, if you like fruity reds, the Australians are exporting a kick ass Shiraz for about six bucks.

after that, my taste gets real expensive, and I can't afford it.

11:39 PM  
Blogger tkkerouac said...

I like your thumbnail.

6:38 AM  
Blogger Stucco said...

Slag- I was thinking more on the lines of an epicac...

Scott- I'll look for the Barefoot, although my preference is Bordeaux.

TKK- Probably not as much as I like yours! Doesn't that invite online stalkers?

8:24 AM  
Blogger tkkerouac said...

thanks for the visit, no I don't think so, what do you meant by stalking?

4:30 PM  
Blogger Stucco said...

I was being a smart-ass. I explain that my courting tactics toward Schmoopie are now legally considered stalking, but then she was stalking me back, so it was all groovy.

4:34 PM  
Blogger tkkerouac said...

Come see my fat sister

6:55 PM  
Blogger Judith said...

Stucco
Being a collector of reds I sure have had my share of bad ones. The most recent was a bottle of Bulgarian merlot called Burbakka , this smelled like some old rummy had the kidney infection from hell and pissed in the bottle. I hadnt corked the wine but there was some sediment in there that looked like it was breeding up a biochemical bomb. My other half suggested keeping it incase our toilet ever got blocked..

2:44 AM  
Blogger Nancy Dancehall said...

Perhaps it was vinted in The Big House? You know, the Slammer, the Brig, the Cooler, the Pen...

7:22 PM  

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