Wednesday, November 01, 2006

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Blogger...

I've been trying to get an entry up here for two days now, and I can't tell if it's the crummy Internet service here at the hotel or if it's Blogger still sucking huevos. I was going to make mention of my current shit list (but hey- this one is official and not of my creation). Basically, the following list of companies wants to make extra special effort to not support or be associated with Air America, or presumably liberal ideologies. So now, in addition to buying a retarded magnetic "ribbon" for your 8 MPG SUV that says "support our/the troops", you can buy shit from these people and take comfort in the fact that you are helping your counrty. Helping your country do what exactly is debatable.

That was my rambling thought for yesterday. Today I pissed off some people on the bus by talking (yes quietly) on the phone. I don't understand this foible. Maybe I should eat some Raisin Bran and really show these tender souls how offensive I can be in confined spaces. They have no idea what fate they are inviting upon themselves.

I've also noticed that I walk slower than every other person in this town. I kinda stick out anyway, as I'm overweight, tall, and oddly moustached (hey- lighen up! These are my charms), whereas the average person here is thin, pale, overcaffeinated, and sports shaved faces and short fuzzy hair. All of this is fine, and I don't mind being the odd man out, but there is one area of obvious discrepancy- my walk. It's a walk, and not a jog. Slow like a Diet Coke burp. The natives walk like I jog. I hold up the flow of foot traffic on the sidewalks here, and they have to make extra efforts to get around me. I like that. I used to drive a VW Van, so this is probably a character trait- big, slow, and challenging to get around.

Otherwise, I'm missing my family like mad and haven't met anyone outside of work yet, and I don't suppose there'll be any personal type friendships from the office. They all seem kinda ordinary and non-violent by my standards. Don't get me wrong- nice folks one and all, but I doubt they'd be up for menacing distant objects with a potato gun. I expect eventually I'll run into the right combination of danger, offensiveness, and whimsy that clicks with me in someone here, and things will be improved. Most of all I need my family out here.

17 Comments:

Blogger DTW 06 said...

Does Your Rep Support Out Troops?

Just in time for election day, the Iraq Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA) has released its official rating for every member of Congress.

This scale will help American Voters determine how well their representative has or has not supported our fellow Americans who serve and have served in our armed forces. . Please visit this site before you vote.

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9:05 PM  
Blogger slaghammer said...

I recommend you soak in a hot tub full of Starbucks coffee twice a week. That should kick your gait up a notch or two.

12:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im not going to voice my view on the politics of this post but how and ever stucco I reckon the ones that swim against the stream (ie people who dont adhere to the complience of stepford wives syndrome) are far more interesting and the better humoured than the rest of the sheep. If you came and worked for my company Id be right over to your desk on the strength of your fine moustache offering you a java and to see if you had any good jokes!

4:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think your walk is just fine, like a slow, I'm with the mafia walk... Course you've got the southern mustache oh so popular in Texas so maybe they think you're Texan? I hope not.

Don't worry, soon you too will join the borg.. err others and walking will soon turn into that jog that everyone has.

now go get some coffee.

6:06 AM  
Blogger Schmoopie said...

Seeing as how Stucco thinks coffee is something that belongs in the toilet, I don't think we'll get him to come over to the "dark side!" His mustache is legend and maybe it will start a new trend in Seattle?! Can't wait to be there with you, Hunny! You know I will be very distracted by all of the coffee and may end-up walking even faster than I do now. I will try to control myself!

6:18 AM  
Blogger Nancy Dancehall said...

Dang it, if we moved up there, we'd double the danger-offensive-whimsy population!
Anybody got a crOw-bar?

We'd rule those caffeinated mushroom people! As soon as we caught them.

Coffee!

8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah you should have let loose some wrath on the the bus.

Is Seattle a province of France now or something?

9:23 AM  
Blogger Stucco said...

DTW- Umm, yeah. Can you do anything to draft the Bush girls?

Slag, caffeine and I aren't on speaking terms- heart racing issue. The idea of soaking in coffee causes me pain. I had a dream once where I dove into a pool filled with Jell-o (not little cubes, but one big seamless block) and went in about 4 feet under the surface and then suffocated because I couldn't get back above it.


Judith- that sounds nice, but in lieu of jokes, I have depreved thoughts and alarming anecdotes. Mostly I make people laugh just in my day-to-day doings. At least that's what Schmoopie says, and she'd never lie to me just to take advantage of me. Although, anything she sys or does that leads to my being taken advantage of, is pretty cool.

Schmoop- You'll appreciate this- there is a coffee shop at the bottom of this building that simply has a neon sign that says "caffeine" in red letters. No, I'm sure it's not a drug... You know Tweak from South Park? That's the scene here.

Pants- I neither want to caputre or rule these folks. Unless they have a boat. A sailboat. Yeah, that's the ticket.... An undiluted perv such as myself feels at home on the water.

Hammer- If you hear of a biohazard emergency of some kind in the northwest, you can know immediately that I inflicted the Raisin Bran Cruelty (tm) on these tweaking busybodies. Such a savage and wicked fate is not undertaken lightly.

9:47 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

I'm with you on the coffee thing. One third of a bottled Starbuck's Frappuccino and I'm wired for three days.

Maybe try getting on the bus with a potato gun. I bet you wouldn't get any attitude from your fellow riders with one of those tucked under your arm.

Don't despair. You're bound to run into a fellow potato gun enthusiast eventually. That town is way too full of geeks not to have a few.

2:33 PM  
Blogger Irrelephant said...

Stucco--truly you have wandered into alien territory. Be strong, keep that womb broom bristling and stand your ground. They'll soon learn that you're a force to be reckoned with. What kind of force I'm not too sure, but "...overweight, tall, and oddly moustached..." God up the chimney, you just described me.

Am I in Seattle and don't know it?

6:16 PM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

You are slow because you are not fast. Simple logic. Get over it. And as for being tall and overweight and finely grappled with in the region of the upper lip... well, I won't touch that because I am not from Seattle nor gay.

As for your family. What's it been? Five days or something?

Holy canola oil. Get a grip.

You have a whole region of the world to get aquainted with. And you can go to the movie of your own damn choosing.

Pretty soon, you will be back to sublimely accomodating.

And in that weather?

Oooooh.

6:51 PM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

You need to hang out close to the Microsoft geeks! [my kids!] lol they love blowin shit up! Want their #?? LOL

9:07 PM  
Blogger Schmoopie said...

This blog is feeling abandoned. I need a new post every day. Slacker!

(Yes, yes! Everyone knows I do not post every day but you usually do!)

Pepper, it's startin' to come together. Now go find us a house!

7:14 AM  
Blogger Stucco said...

Sheesh Schmoop! I'm no NaBloMe or whatever the hell it is Scott, Pants, and Irrelephant- besides, Blogger has been sucking wind for a while here.

And Cheesy- git with the hookin' up- I'm way overdue in blowing things up, and always need a good alibai. :)

10:05 AM  
Blogger Schmoopie said...

Just doin' my job. Brow-beating! Isn't that what the band of gold is all about?

7:56 AM  
Blogger Nancy Dancehall said...

The band of gold is all about being invisible.

Oh, wait, wrong band...

How's mom, Stuc?

9:19 AM  
Blogger Irrelephant said...

*singing wildly off key* I can see the destiny you soooooold...turned into a shining band of goooooooooold

5:57 PM  

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