Thursday, May 28, 2009

Retards



In case you can't quite read that, it says "Firefox: most popular search engine after Microsoft and Apple". In case it needs saying, Firefox is not a search engine, Microsoft just renamed their search engine "Bing" (seriously), and Apple doesn't have a search engine. If it was meant to be a quote, than they need to buy a subject- that is to say [what] is the most popular search engine after Microsoft and Apple (notwithstanding the matter of Apple not having one). Not that I expect anything accurate from Fox- remember, this is the outfit that went all the way to the Supreme Court to affirm their "right" to lie.

Related: Conservatism and cognitive ability are negatively correlated. Let me try that in smaller word for any Republican passers by: Tha more right wing y'all are, tha more it means you has the dumb. The baby Jesus told some sigh-uhn-teests.

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Fresh New Fit Face of Totalitarianism



Read this.

For fuck's sake- REI in Seattle? I bet I'd get less fucked over by singing showtunes in a Bass Pro Shop in Ala-fucking-bama. Maybe it's time for them to stock waterboards by the kayaks? Tazers by the GPS units? And when did Blackwater Xe, get in the ATM feeding business?

If any of you work for REI in Seattle, shame on you. Rest assured that if some proto-Nazi, mouth breathing, jack booted ATM protecting rent-a-fuck ever was on you like that, I'd be going to the pokey with you. How the hell do people stand by and let this crazy shit happen?

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Sunday, May 10, 2009

How Times Have Changed, Vol IX.



I can remember when being a Trekkie, meant you were NEVER getting laid. Color me jealous.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Fucking Religious People

Start here: http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_12286425

Now here's my solution:

Give a kid a gun and when he gets into the van, just start shooting motherfuckers. When the Filth show up, have the kid tell them that the fundies were trying to kidnap, waterboard, and sexually assault him. Then sue that church for their property.

This sort of shit is what not having any natural predators will do to a culture.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Random Thoughts and Schei├če

In Arkansas, Maryland, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennesee, and Texas, there are laws that prohibit atheists from holding office, despite these laws being clearly unconstitutional.

In Massachusetts, blasphemy can get you a year in jail.

Pork sales are down due to fears over Swine Flu (that is to say, people think you can get it from eating pork).

Religion isn't an opiate, it's a crutch. Some people need crutches. Most people use the crutch of religion because they are lazy. I have no use for, and eroding tolerance of either group.

There is a critical flaw in the Scientific Method, which is that hypothesis development is limited by imagination.

These things are fun.

I made a funny recollection/connection today while walking home from the bus stop- I remembered an episode of Beavis and Butt-head, where they were reading some sign and while tracing the text with his finger, Butt-head said "Words, words, words..." Today I made the connection that this is what Hamlet said to Polonius when asked what he read. I bet Mike Judge did this intentionally. It made me laugh again.

I bought a copy of Don Quixote today. I remember reading it a LONG time ago, and in looking at this, I'm certain that I read an abridged copy. From my recollections, I'm feeling a stronger connection to the man from La Mancha than ever before. I need to re-read it and see if I'm remembering it all correctly.

I wonder what those Pastafarians have to say now that the number of pirates has increased and the global climate has not cooled? Clearly the climate is getting warmer due to the lack of typewriter repair personnel. Pirates! Pshyeah! As if. Don't get me wrong- I still hold that: Pirates > Ninjas.

Rick Moranis used to do a powerful impression of David Brinkley on SCTV. And, on that subject, I was right- they consistently pronounced "Camembert" as "Cannon Bear". Woot the fook, you crazy canuks?

I want to find a hooker and ask her "How much for a 'Full Dutch buttering'?"

Where can one buy old style mens sock garters?

Twenty-somethings can't identify 8-Track tapes.

The whole "Hey batter batter batter, hey batter batter batter, SWING batter" thing. What the fuck is that? Are they trying to help? Is it retard night at the ballpark? If it's such a good thing, why don't they ever do that at golfers? I'll tell you why- because Chi Chi Rodriguez would've shiv'd them. Chi Chi didn't fuck around. He'd cut you.

I'm still having trouble finding music.