Friday, January 30, 2009

Another Ring


I hate my birthday. I think I might have ALWAYS hated my birthday, but my memory is kinda "smokey". Not only is it like Christmas, where I'm reminded by how little my family really understands me (don't get me wrong, I need for nothing and am grateful for their consideration, but the things they give belie a serious disconnect from my persona), but it's usually a really shitty day for me. On my 30th, I had heart surgery, and that was maybe the high/low water mark among birthdays, but let me give you a glimpse of my day SO FAR.

2:00 AM- violent diarrhea with cramping until 3:00 AM. No idea why.
5:25 AM- Earthquake (4.6). No harm, but woke me. I thought it was the dog doing something.
6:30 AM- Decide to make an omelette (I'm good at this). Got some egg on my hand and couldn't get the soap out of the SoftSoap dispenser dealy, so I pounded on it a few times, and it ejaculated cum looking soap all over my shirt and pants. I rinsed it all off and was then cooking and wearing a cold shirt with suds.
7:00 AM- Omelette done and eaten, I change clothes and get re-ready to go to work, and poke myself in the eye.

It'll be all downhill from here, I'm sure. I told Schmoopie I'd be lucky not to lose a limb today.

11 Comments:

Blogger ThatGuy@Work said...

well I would wish Happy Birthday, but i'll settle with "birthday!"

and if you are going to loose a limb, save the right hand... you'll need it. :P

9:28 AM  
Blogger Jeannie said...

Geez. For tomorrow - Happy Un-birthday.

10:10 AM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

Um, safe and over-with Birthday!!

10:28 AM  
Blogger meno said...

These things are a sign that you should just stay in bed with the covers over your head.

6:01 PM  
Blogger Gordo said...

I'm thinking of kicking a hole in the ice and going for a dip on my birthday this year. You only turn 40 once. The only question is whether or not I'll turn 41. ;-)

6:59 PM  
Blogger Marten Dingo said...

Happy B-Day, Mr. Tet Offensive.

11:19 PM  
Blogger Lexcen said...

The trivialities of daily existence are what give life its true meaning.
Happee B'day

1:07 PM  
Blogger The Young Ones said...

Well, you did not blog about losing a limb so I assuming that it did not happen and the rest of the day was fairly uneventful (in the way of casualties). I do love your birthday because you were born! So blah, party pooper! Love ya, Miss T

8:24 PM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

Look at the bright side...you woke up breathing and you didn't get soap in your omelet. So shudup and smile ~ I will still wish you a happy birthday! :o)

8:58 AM  
Blogger Irrelephant said...

So? Any limb loss?

3:21 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

So, are you sporting an eye patch now? Add a parrot on your shoulder and you're ready to party!

Happy belated birthday!

1:13 PM  

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