Hey, How's Your Penis?
If it's tiny, you could use one of these, although wouldn't it make your peenie weenie look even smaller in the proximity? Crazy. Bet it's really loud and dirty too.
I don't answer phones, except where paid to. I've never been asked to leave any zoo or wildlife refuge. None of my shoes fit very well. I've never effectively claimed to be royalty in order to avoid extradition.