Monday, January 14, 2008

Yes, Yes, Yes, You're SO Fucking Green!

HP, in their limitless wisdom, sent me a satisfaction survey today for one of several hard drives I ordered (with a full server and software) back in September. I wonder if Ford will ask me about my satisfaction with my passenger front tire? Crazy. Anyway, the survey was straightforward, and apart from being belated and not including an "N/A" or "not applicable" option, it was sensible. Then comes the thank you. Was I entered in a raffle for cool shit? Was I to receive a Starbucks card or t-shirt for being one of the first 500 respondents? Nope. I was shown this screen:

Hey! It's GREEN! Like maybe HP is a "green" company! Wow! Happy fucking tofu finger sandwiches! No- I'm not opposed to companies being environmentally conscious, but gimmie a break already. What the hell is this crap? This is HP, right? The TECHNOLOGY AND COMPUTER COMPANY? Do you see anything in that image that would even hint at technology? Couldn't they have used a green circuit board? A green LED? A green network cable? Anything? No, this is the product of marketing people, who have no souls.

HP, you want to impress me with your "greenness"? Stop shipping me things the size of an Altoids tin in a box the size of a filing cabinet. Stop making LCD screens with Mercury filled fluorescent tubes- use LED's instead. Use metals instead of plastics more often. Install windows that open in your buildings, and use natural lighting. Stop putting every goddamned cable, clip, plug, adapter, wire, widget, screw, and trinket in it's OWN PLASTIC BAG. Make things that run on less power, and that produce less noise and heat, and garbage in 5 years or less when they get tossed into a landfill.

Oh, and send those clueless shithead marketing people back to the ashram. Find someone who knows your industry.

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6 Comments:

Blogger meno said...

I hate HP. Someday, in person, i will tell you why. Because it's not a story for public consumption.

Green my ass, they make printers, and cartridges.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

There was a rather green field I used to fly kites on and ride my motorcycle about on, that HP bulldozed down to make a factory.

I don't hate them like Meno, because I knew a lot of people they employed, but I get that the green advertising is a bunch of hooey.

5:23 PM  
Blogger Hammer said...

I notice all the time all the waste that goes into a new printer . Why does every frigging part have to go in a plastic bag? Do cables and manuals go bad if left to the open air.

My kids school is the same way, they do environmental awareness projects all year long but the school sends home reams of redundant junk mail of no consequence.

11:27 PM  
Blogger General Catz said...

I always wondered that, too. I mean, you order memory or a chip for your camera and they come in enormous boxes.

I'm using an HP now and i have to say it's been one of the more reliable boxes i've ever owned. The next best was the Vaio. I'll never buy Dell again.

6:40 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Oh oh, I bet they're using secret marketing brain-washing psychology on you. If you see the color green when you SEE "HP," it naturally follows that pretty soon you'll start thinking "environmentally friendly" when you THINK "HP". Is it working yet?

3:19 PM  
Blogger amusing said...

Oh, you are just pissed b/c you didn't win a contest that might give you, oh, I don't know, like a whole new computer set up or a big fat check every few years...

9:42 PM  

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