Yes, Yes, Yes, You're SO Fucking Green!

HP, in their limitless wisdom, sent me a satisfaction survey today for one of several hard drives I ordered (with a full server and software) back in September. I wonder if Ford will ask me about my satisfaction with my passenger front tire? Crazy. Anyway, the survey was straightforward, and apart from being belated and not including an "N/A" or "not applicable" option, it was sensible. Then comes the thank you. Was I entered in a raffle for cool shit? Was I to receive a Starbucks card or t-shirt for being one of the first 500 respondents? Nope. I was shown this screen:

Hey! It's GREEN! Like maybe HP is a "green" company! Wow! Happy fucking tofu finger sandwiches! No- I'm not opposed to companies being environmentally conscious, but gimmie a break already. What the hell is this crap? This is HP, right? The TECHNOLOGY AND COMPUTER COMPANY? Do you see anything in that image that would even hint at technology? Couldn't they have used a green circuit board? A green LED? A green network cable? Anything? No, this is the product of marketing people, who have no souls.

HP, you want to impress me with your "greenness"? Stop shipping me things the size of an Altoids tin in a box the size of a filing cabinet. Stop making LCD screens with Mercury filled fluorescent tubes- use LED's instead. Use metals instead of plastics more often. Install windows that open in your buildings, and use natural lighting. Stop putting every goddamned cable, clip, plug, adapter, wire, widget, screw, and trinket in it's OWN PLASTIC BAG. Make things that run on less power, and that produce less noise and heat, and garbage in 5 years or less when they get tossed into a landfill.

Oh, and send those clueless shithead marketing people back to the ashram. Find someone who knows your industry.