Friday, May 25, 2007

More Things I Don't UNDERstand...

I haven't laughed this hard since the astronaut lady went ape-shit. Seems that a guy bought a punching bag at Costco and thought it smelled like ass, so he opened it up (right- because who wouldn't?) and found... "soiled" underpants and panties. What? Seriously- what? He comments on it online and others with the same model find the same thing in theirs. Thanks to the internet, Costco is recalling the punching bags because the stuffing "does not meet our high quality standards"

Schmoopie and I were talking about this and can't make sense of it. How can dirty underwear be cheaper than industrial filler like, sand or something? I wondered if this wasn't a cost-effective way to buy underwear (assuming requisite laundering), but that still sort of skeeves* me out. I mean, I'll share a lot of things, but I don't think I'd wear another mans underthings. It's not a gay fear, it's a hygiene matter. After all, I was shocked recently by Scott from Oregon with THIS little nightmare...

* A note on the word "skeeved": This word comes to me from Schmoopie, who in turn picked it up from the Showtime series Weeds. It was used by one female character to describe her feelings about vagina's (as in, they "skeeve" her out). I have appropriated this word, not because I watch the show, but because it reminds me of "skivvies", which is a term my father always used for underwear. I don't know if this is a military slang thing, or if it's one of those toddler safety words like, "wee wee" or "poopie" that he simply decided to stick with forever. Given the context, it seemed especially appropriate.

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Blogger Lexcen said...

Intriguing, I can just imagine teams of health inspectors tearing open punching bags to inspect their contents in the interest of public safety. No punching bag shall remain untouched until all threat of any disease carrying soiled underwear is exposed to daylight and hygienically disposed of thereof. Meanwhile, warning labels will be attached to all unexamined punching bags to notify unsuspecting users as to the possible hazards of contents within, subject to inspection and clean bill of health being attached by authorized health inspector. Public liability taken into consideration, all punching bags in use in public areas, gyms and sports arenas are hitherto to be placed in quarantine and remain so until appropriate measures have been taken.

11:42 PM  
Blogger Jeannie said...

Was the punching bag made in China? Because it seems those dastardly Chinese are out to get us with their inferior and tainted products.
Skivvies - I've heard it many times - perhaps it is military - like civvies but next to the skin?

3:56 AM  
Blogger Judith said...

skivvies is known here as servants or poorly paid house keepers.

Id say there was more skid marks in that bag then there is in Le Mans

4:38 AM  
Anonymous mrschili said...

Eeeew. I have to ask here, though; how could the kid tell that his punching bag smelled like ass? Doesn't pretty much ALL gym equipment smell like ass?

6:06 AM  
Blogger General Catz said...

What i want to know is how did they round up so many used undergarments? Was there a casting call for them? A price on their head? I mean, when people donate used items to charity, they're cleaned first or at least cleaned by the charity.

So, where does one find loads of soiled underpants? And, is there a real market for them? Think of the possibilities.

8:20 AM  
Blogger meno said...

God dammit that's where all my skivvies went! I'm just not gonna wear any anymore, that'll show 'em!

Hmm, i wonder of that's where the world's missing socks are too. Think what THAT would smell like.

I love the word skivvies, and also knickers.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

Mr. Stucco. Your huge balls story got topped on my "Your Tales of Woohoohoo list". Granted, vagina tales are more intriguing than testicle tales, for ME at least.

I'm guessing there were underthings being manufactured (and stolen) in another department. Workers would wear their dirty skivvies in, then put on some new and nice ones during the day, thusly stealing them. They devised a rather remarkable plane to rid themselves of their old ones and it would have worked, had it not been for the discernin gnose of a boxer!

8:48 PM  
Blogger Vulgar Wizard said...

I'm glad it wasn't full of cheetah balls! hehheheheeheeeeeheheheeheheheheeheeheheheeheheheheheheheeheeheeeee *gasp*

4:52 PM  
Blogger Irrelephant said...

Maybe they've got some online buyer who is reading all those "Buy My Used Panties" sites and is getting some sorta bulk discount?

And VW, superb job of product placement there! *wild applause*

Oh verification is "ewsxnuff"

Ew! 'X 'nuff!

5:02 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

I have a guess. In no way should this guess be construed to mean I have ANY personal experience with the matter(s) at hand. That being said, here goes:

The origination of the filling for these bags was a thrift store. Over time, the thrift store received thousands of pounds of soiled undergarments as donations. They put them in bags and sold them as "rag material" (by the pound, of course). The rag material broker, upon discovery of material unfit for even rag duty, sold them again as "filler material". The "filler" was loaded into an overhead dispenser, and as each punching bag approached the dispenser, a worker would pull the lever and fill the bag, not noticing (due to the speed of free-fall) the tell-tale indications that this fill material did not meet normal quality standards.

There are two morals to this tale:

1) Never, ever, ever, buy underwear at a thrift store (unless it is for resale on eBay, of course)

2) Please, please, please, for the sake of all that is good and holey, wash your underwear before donating it to a thrift store

8:03 AM  

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