Thursday, May 03, 2007

I'm NOT Crazy- You People Need To SLOW DOWN


I commented earlier about how everyone in this town walks faster than I do. I've been passed by people in those electric scooter deals that always make me think of George Costanza. It turns out that you all HAVE been speeding up. Here's Stucco's "Exhibit A"

And while that sinks in, may I deliver a mental image to you? Have you ever seen the "walking people"? I don't mean the old people at the mall, in puffy, scuffless white orthopedic shoes- I mean the ones that walk quickly, like they'd really like to run, but are afraid to move up and down. You know the ones I'm talking about- they sway their hips and waddle at high speed. They swing their arms way more than necessary. They typically wear spandex, although they really shouldn't. When YOU walk faster and faster, this is what you will eventually become.

Maybe if the folks here would lay off the coffee, they wouldn't have to pee so much, and could then slow down a bit.

9 Comments:

Blogger Hammer said...

We have some "power walkers" in my neighborhood.

They look like Richard Simmons racing to the bathroom with a bad case of the runs.

8:19 AM  
Blogger Andy said...

HEY! Don't be talking bad about coffee!

Gotta run...

8:22 AM  
Blogger Jeannie said...

I am a fast walker and always have been - I was the baby who had to keep up with my older brothers -then in highschool I had to walk a mile to catch the bus - and I always slept in. My husband is always yelling at me to slow down.

8:35 AM  
Blogger Schmoopie said...

You really do need to stop dissing coffee!

You don't walk, you saunter. Just a guy without a care in the world. :)

5:29 PM  
Blogger Stucco said...

I have plenty of cares in the world, just none that are affected by my E.T.A.

5:40 PM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

Ahhh another saunterer. I am a fast saunterer, though, so I'd blow right by you.

6:25 PM  
Blogger That Guy said...

You're a poke! pokey pokey pokey.

7:09 AM  
Blogger Judith said...

Over here they are known the arse chrisp brigade (chrisps =chips) because they look like they are trying to eat their chips in their drawers

3:42 PM  
Blogger General Catz said...

I used to walk pretty fast but after the knee surgery i slowed considerably (like a snail's pace) and realized i was enjoying life more once i slowed down. Now that my knee is better i have made a conscious effort to stay slowed down. What are we rushing towards? The end of our lives?

As for this in the article:

"Researchers in each city found a busy street with a wide pavement that was flat, free from obstacles, and sufficiently uncrowded to allow people to walk at their maximum speed."

I can't believe they found streets like these in Dublin or London. I've always found both cities absolutely heaving with people nearly all the time, almost always carrying something (phones, groceries, children).

And, another thing, why are they funding stupid studies like this? Who the fuck cares? They should give me the cash, i'll make better use of it.

8:18 AM  

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