Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Nope. Not Buying It.

Sarah Palin is not the mother of Trig. She is the grandmother of Trig. Whether or not you think this is a big deal/off limits/etc. is secondary to my point. This is a lie, and it's one that she (or the campaign) brought up. Here's my take:

Bristol Palin gets preggo in late July or more likely August 2007, and is 16 at the time. I don't think anyone was planning on an abortion, as I think they are serious about their fundie beliefs. I'd bet that they were thinking of profit, er... adoption. By December 2007 Bristol begins a five month leave from school because she allegedly has mononucleosis. I had a severe case of mono (ended up in the hospital) and missed about a month of school, and I was milking it a bit.

Somewhere before month 7 (Late January/early February), they learn that the baby has Downs Syndrome. At first I'd taken this to be somewhat in line with an aging mother but then upon further investigation I find that mothers of any age can have Downs babies, and the odds spread with age is less than 4%- that is to say mothers between 40-45 have a 3.75% chance, and young moms have less than 1% chance. Women under 35 account for 80% of Downs babies. I didn't find any stats on 16 year olds, but it could well be that there is an inverse bell curve at play. So, I'm back to thinking it could still be Bristol. Normally a triple screen would be done earlier than this, but with a not-fully-developed mother (a la the 16 tender years) I don't know that the results would have been clear in any result. They probably waited a bit and then had an amniocentesis. Downs-shit. Okay, well that adoption payday is gone. Fuck. Guess they'll need to come up with something. It's been too long to now say she was raped. If it gets out that Bristol's going to have a baby at 16/17, that'll alienate the fundie friends and voters. Okay- it's going to be Sarah's baby. Damn, it's too bad we don't believe in sex education.

So Sarah announces that she's preggo and that it's a Downs baby and everyone thinks- "yeah, I can imagine- what is she 45?" Great. Except that there is a lot of photo evidence that does not show a 7 month old preggo lady here. No worries you say- everyone is different. Maybe she doesn't bump out till later. Perhaps, but then there are the photo's from previous pregnancies where she's big and big early. Plus, there isn't an expected amount of weight gain. Still no worries- no one is going to pry into this- right? It's a private family matter, right? Well, almost right.

Things continued to not make sense. April 17th, 2008- "A month early" (or not, as I suggest) some Palin or another gives birth. Sarah was in Texas, and allegedly had her water break. So, she goes to the nearest hospital and... no wait- she flies to Seattle, then to Anchorage? And the flight attendants don't notice the big preggo woman? Ohhhh- right- a fake preggo belly would probably get the attention of the TSA retards, and we don't need that kind of attention. So no belly- fly home really fast and then go to some tiny hospital near nothing. Funny the hospital didn't list Trig on the birth announcements though. Maybe they can't lie about the mommy in the records or something. And funny too that the doc that delivered Trig doesn't work there anymore. But that'll happen when you get some cushy govenment job thanks to the Governor.

Two days later, Sarah is back to work, seemingly fit and raring to go. She's just like that you see. No post partum nonsense for her. Bristol can spend all her time holding (and nursing?) the baby- like from here on out. Yeah- why not?

"Okay- we dodged a bullet there. We hid the pregnancy and got all the neocon sympathy, and hey- the guys in this nearly-all-male state like the idea of a hottie governor that puts out.

August 29, 2008 - "Oh Shit. Vice President?"

"Okay, we can do this. What? Bristol is pregnant AGAIN? What is it with her? Like a rabbit I tell you. How are we going to manage this? I can't lie about this AGAIN. Damn it! Okay- step one, let's tell everyone that Bristol is preggo this time, but hey- let's announce that's she's FIVE MONTHS PREGGO- that way it'll be impossible for her to be Trig's mom- right? You can't get double-pregnant, while you are in your third trimester- it's the perfect defense. No- no one will think it's weird to be announcing HOW LONG she's been preggo- trust me, people don't think about things."

"Oh, and clean up that brainpan, Levi. That mulletheaded babymaker is going legit. If he bitches, tell him you'll buy him a Trans Am. Oh- and get the lawyers. We have some work here. Levi and his sister have MySpace pages that need to go away like yesterday. All those pictures that show Trig with Bristol and Levi's family- lose them. Make sure they are out of Google too. If any reporters look into this- threaten them. Threaten their network and revenue. The GOP will help if needed by setting the Department of Justice on them."

So far only the foreign press seems to be able to look into this. Perhaps the National Enquirer will join them.

In the end, if these were liberal/Democrats, I wouldn't give two shits, nor would anyone else I expect. Libs would not have had to deny the girl any choice regarding an abortion, lied to cover it all up and fake the parents, or worry about losing support from their base- which is really why this is significant. This is worthy of scrutiny, not just because Palin is a train wreck, but because she and her "base" are the ones trying to force a set of "values" on the rest of us. Libs don't care what you do until the baby is born, and Cons don't care what you do after. Yes, that's a sweeping generalization- but it makes the basic point clear. The GOP is demonstrably the "Do-As-I-Say-Not-As-I-Do" party, and for that they deserve a media driven colonoscopy.

There are many other reasons to point and laugh (and be worried) about a McCain/Palin ticket, but this one is the one that will appeal to the Britneyesque culture here. Obama may be interested in the high road, but I'm not- and don't lie- neither are you.

UPDATE:
Not directly related to this, but if you are a single-issue voter (that is to say, if you vote based SOLELY on an issue like abortion or gun control or "Wars" on something inanimate), you are a fucking retard and you don't deserve the right to vote. Greedy people, and single issue voters are the reason why we're in a new Dark Age, where we have shiny fucking toys that are made in China and the Bill of Rights is being dissolved. I can only hope that this Dark Age will be short lived and followed by an Enlightenment, where people like single issue voters, and those who refuse to think are shunned as the cancers to a society that they are.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

Hee... You obviously get your information "somewhere". How valid and non-nutjobberrdoodoohead is it?

Is it a case of "I hate her politics, so let's smear her baby's good name"?

Or is she really that evil and conniving?

She IS kinda hot, you know...

3:51 PM  
Blogger Scott from Oregon said...

Also, there is a new movie out by that title "Do as I say, not as I do".

I think the trailer is on you tube...

3:52 PM  
Blogger Gordo said...

Fascinating, Stucco. We just have web sites that show birds shitting on the opposition up here.

You do need a hobby, though. ;-)

5:40 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chili said...

I'll be very interested to see if the real story ever does come out.

If what I'm hearing about this is true, are they going to induce Bristol so she delivers "on time?"

7:17 AM  
Blogger Vulgar Wizard said...

Obama scares the living shit out of me, and I fear that, if elected, McCain would die in office.

So, we're all fucked.

10:36 AM  

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