Monday, October 20, 2008

Whiskey Tango?

Now, I know that advertising people are collectively a cancer on our society, probably because they WANT to sell things using images of genitals, but this insanely uptight ersatz-puritanical culture has so much shame that that can never happen. No doubt this leads to all the psychotic and/or insulting advertising that we see, but what is this shit about?

Exhibit A.

What is happening here? "Make him yours"? She doesn't appear to want him at all, so how is this a good thing? 5 Free tools? Weapons? Emotional manipulation tactics? Roofies? And why does the relationship need healing? She's looking away so whatever it was, it must've been his fault- right?

See- just the other day, who was I telling? I was talking to someone and I was explaining that all males (I think this applies regardless of orientation) really want sex slaves. It's not a mean thing necessarily- well, maybe it's not primarily meant to be mean. I was explaining that what all men want is an accommodating female body to do things to/with without all the emotional stuff, since were collectively outgunned in this capacity by orders of magnitude. We want a female that doesn't say "no" and that puts up with whatever we can dream up. Maybe that means some contraption in the garage with pulleys, or maybe it's just having a look at where the pee comes from with a magnifying glass.

It's not rooted in misogyny, it's rooted in laziness and hedonism, but it influenced by the Judeo-Christian shame we have here. Not many males are cut of the Marquis de Sade cloth, but ask any man how he felt about Princess Leia in the metal bikini, on a chain in that Star Wars movie, and you'll see the guy go to his "happy place" just remembering it. It's how we're wired. We like to possess things- cars, computers, gadgets- and hey, wouldn't a sex slave be cool?

I was wondering if this ad was trying to play to a similar vibe in women, but in all the times I've asked women about male slaves, sex wasn't the first thing they mentioned. Cooking, cleaning, and foot massages seem to be higher on the female hierarchy of needs. Men think of slaves and they rush to multiple partners, bondage, or anal sex- whatever they themselves have been wanting and not getting, and women think about having someone clean the bathroom. That's a cruel fucking joke to play on us as a species.

What do you want to bet the blonde in that ad is imagining that guy vacuuming?



Blogger Jeannie said...

The five free tools are:
2 boobs, a vagina, a mouth and YES!

And it really isn't that we want the men to do the cleaning, it's just that we need our nest in order so that we can then get in the mood and we don't feel much in the mood if we are wiping up rancid pee and mouldy socks.

4:37 PM  
Blogger Nancy Dancehall said...

"...whatever they themselves have been wanting and not getting, and women think about having someone clean the bathroom."
Darlin', that one just answers itself.

I think she's thinking about how she's going to slay Aslan and those pesky Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve.

6:26 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chili said...

Hey! Welcome back! I've missed you.

This post cracked me up (but then again, your posts usually do). It's only funny because it's TRUE. It reminds me of a joke. Two women are sitting at a bar when a GORGEOUS man walks up to one of them (I mean stunningly, drop-dead gorgeous here). He leans against the bar and says "I'm yours for the night; I'll do anything you ask me to."
"ANYTHING?" our surprised gal asks.
Our lady thinks for a second as a sly look crosses her face. She gives the guy a come-hither look, beckons him closer with crooked finger, then whispers in his ear, "Clean. My. House."

I wonder if guys realized that they'd likely get more in bed if they gave more around the house?

3:35 AM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

But... but ..... BUT!
Foot rubs ARE sex in a way...Aren't they? Hell- can even hang me from the rafters if one is involved~

6:53 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

oh. my. I'm just returning from my happy place (Princess Leah.....) - but I'm not breaking into Jabba's fortress for any woman.

ms chica - I can't help but think that if I spent all my time cleaning the house I'd be too tired to "get more" - which, surprisingly enough, is often what men hear when they want to get some.

6:57 AM  
Blogger meno said...

She looks to me like she's thinking about eating her girlfriend.

4:55 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

Absolutely, my friend. I used to get strangely turned on when the men at work would don elbow-length green latex gloves to scrub this big piece of machinery we had...I could just imagine them floors.

10:00 PM  

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