Wednesday, April 16, 2008

And This Is Why I'm Still Alive

See? I just knew it would pay off. I need to write a book about my "36 Hour Rule" and market it as new-age, holistic, self help. The title? Spank Your Way To Health.

See: "Masturbation 'cuts cancer risk'" a la the Beeb.

All kidding aside, I've a friend who's not doing so well with prostate cancer, and I can't see this sort of thing without thinking of him. If you are a man over 30, go and have Dr. Jellyfinger play with your asshole. Yes, that squishy lube feels weird for a while afterward, but don't be a sexually frightened / repressed pussy. It doesn't make you gay any more than being in a locker room does, and if it saves your life you can blame me for the remainder of your years for victimizing you. I don't care.

It might even give you a new found sense of compassion the next time you want to get your lady "as the Greeks do".



Blogger TTQ said...

And you should get a colonoscopy when you hit 50 guys and gals. Because Of my health problems I have had 2 done in the past 2 years (i'm 34)... not fun but they did remove lots of polyps both times..

Talk about anthesia on! They never give me enough and so I watch the tv monitor of my intestines and say owwwwww a lot.

After alll that helpful advice, I'm trying to fight making Beevis and Butthole lines..

5:06 PM  
Blogger Irrelephant said...

Haven't had the Finger Of Doom yet, tho I'm due now that I've passed the Four-Oh mark. Had the butt camera thing, tho I didn't get to stay awake and ooh and aah and OW DAMNIT through it. I did get to see some interesting colour prints, though. Didn't let me keep any of them, the barstards.

As for minimizing the prostate risk? Heh. At the rate I'm at it I'll NEVER have prostate problems.

7:22 PM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

And if you are lucky and a mindful Dr. shoper you will get a small Asian female Dr. [they have little hands!}

7:49 PM  
Blogger General Catz said...

I'm sorry about your friend and hope he recovers.

I'm so sick of medical tests i want to puke but i guess you have to do them.

9:59 AM  
Blogger TTQ said...

"It might even give you a new found sense of compassion the next time you want to get your lady "as the Greeks do"."

Can I get you to write me an "excuse note" for me to give to my husband???? Seriously.

11:09 AM  
Blogger nic said...

I have a little Asian female doctor. She has small hands but I tell you, she's brutal with a cervical brush and the speculum...

oh, the horrors of being female.

I hope your friend gets better, too.

and spank on, you crazy loon.

6:33 PM  

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