Howdy hey, kids and kitties- put away your waterboards and trickle chargers. There is a NEW torture method in town. Like all the best methods, it only leaves EMOTIONAL scarring and trauma. Discovered in Seattle at the end of 2008, this procedure is GUARANTEED to get you all the confessions you will ever need.
What you will need:
1.) Place earbuds in victims ears. DO NOT plug into any audio source, despite any inclinations to torture your subject with Barry Manilow. Let the little metal plug dangle loosely.
2.) Rub polar fleece clothing against itself until a healthy static charge is created.
3.) Touch metal plug from earbuds to the polar fleece clothing, transferring the static charge (and alarming crackle/sizzle sounds) directly into the sensitive inner ear of your victim.
4.) Collect confession.
This environmentally friendly torture tactic featuring renewable energy is brought to you by Stucco Z. Tard.